Log in

Just Me... [entries|friends|calendar]
★ Mylissa ★

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

caution [22 Apr 2005|11:08pm]
Come Talk To Me.

Say Anything At All.

Anything At All.

Make It Sweet and Make It Matter.

But Say Anything At All.

I'm Getting Weak From Nothing At All.

I Need Something To Make My Night Go By.

I'm Getting So Sick Of Wondering Where She Is.

Is Her Thoughts Aimed On Target With My Name.

Somebody Say Something, This Is My Cry.
gun shot sounds

spiders!!!! ahhhh [06 Apr 2005|02:11pm]
[ mood | happy ]

OMG!!! i killed my first spider last night!!!! im soo proud of myself :)....you dont understand... i am soooooooooo freaking afraid of them but yet i kicked ass last night and killed one! go me! im sure you all think this is lame but screw you!!!!...


gun shot sounds

join me in death [28 Mar 2005|10:38pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

i feel like shit... blah...tomorrow is a new day. it'll be all good, right?

gun shot sounds

[28 Mar 2005|09:57am]
[ mood | awake ]

You really don't like being pushed around by others as this truly offends your gracious nature. You don't appreciate being taken advantage of, and now you could take the bull by the horns and fight back. Enough is enough. Remove the velvet gloves and be prepared to dirty your hands in order to establish your boundaries. Take a risk and you will be pleasantly rewarded for your courage.

Damn.. so im supposed to kick some fuckin ass!!! haha that would be fun!... sorry to everyone for being a bitch the last couple of days im going through a little shit right now.. and sorry if i dragged anyone down... and for those of you who have been there for me i thank you alot and luv ya!...and yes i will be ok no worries.. im a tough mama... i got this :) so yea im off to work in like a half an hour... im soo freakin laze and dont feel like going but i have to ask about getting my friend a job so i kind of have to go.. well i'll update later!


gun shot sounds

pardon me [26 Mar 2005|08:19pm]
[ mood | worried ]

Pardon me while I burst
Pardon me while I burst
A decade ago, I never thought I would be.
A twenty three on the verge of spontaneous combustion. Woe-is-me
But I guess that it comes with the territory.
An ominous landscape of never-ending calamity.
I need you to hear. I need you to see.
That I have had all I can take
And exploding seems like a definite possibility
To me
So Pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world, and its people's mindless games
So Pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flame
Pardon me, pardon me. I'll never be the same.
Not, two days ago I was having a look in a book
And I saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knees
I said I can relate
Cause lately I've been thinking of combustication as a welcomed vacation from.
The burdens of the planet earth, like gravity, hypocrisy, and the perils of being in 3-D...
And thinking so much differently.
Pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world, and it's people's mindless games
Pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flame
Pardon me, pardon me. I'll never be the same.
Never be the same...yeah.
Pardon me while I burst into flames.
Pardon me, pardon me, pardon me.
So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world, and it's people's mindless games
So pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flame
Pardon me, pardon me. I'll never be the same.
Pardon me, never be the same. Yeah

Ok.. ive been thinking again... and right now im unsure of the next step of my life... i feel like screaming bloody murder right now.... that and kicking some fucking ass!!! or getting some... whatever works... i feel like a train wreck... i cant help but want to cry... not that im really going to let anyone see that side of me anyways... because for some reason i cant show my softer side to anyone.. its like i just take the punches and never react... im starting to feel the heat of it all... but its all good this too shall pass! and again i'll lock the feelings in a little bottle until the time comes to let someone actually hear or even feel whats going on in my little head.... i hope everyone is having a safe night...


gun shot sounds

:( [04 Mar 2005|06:47pm]
[ mood | discontent ]

Dude I'm sooo bummed right now ;(.. i talked to mElissa... yes i know the e is big!! and she thinks were better off friends :(... im soo freakin upset!.. not like crying upset but bummed upset... because I'm actually into her and yea well... shes not into me that way.. she gave me alot of mixed signals.. even she pointed it out that she did... and this is the first weekend in a month that she hasnt driven out here... but she might tomorrow she says but next weekend shes going to the boogie and im invited but i dont want to go.. because the boogie and i just dont get along... haha... just ask drea or amb... its not a good combo...but damn im really bummed! oh well.. this to shall pass!... atleast i'll have a kick ass friend so thats all that matters... right?

gun shot sounds

Its been a while! [23 Feb 2005|12:43am]
[ mood | curious ]

hey all.. its been forever and a day since ive updated.. but yea... im just thinkin about life and where i stand yet again.. it never stops it seems like i think im going to get somewhere and something holds me back... well ive made the choice.. its not going to happen anymore! if i want to date a girl im going to and if i want to date a guy im going to and if you dont like it FUCK YOU!!! and thats all there is to it :) i started my new job this week.. so far so good... i think im going to like it, so hopefully this one lasts! well im off to go to bed. bye!

gun shot sounds

silent tears of frusteration [04 Feb 2005|01:03am]
Bleed my aching heart...BLEED. I hope everything around me burns to the ground and everyone goes to fucking hell. Everyone would be so lucky to hurt like I do...you might just realize how lucky your FUCKING LIVES really are...switch places with me for a day...YOUD be thxful...stfu and just die...or would you like a 6inch blade from me to you...

I hate life right now...please dont FUCK WITH ME...Im a click away from unloading alot of shells into alot of people I FUCKING HATE...dont start me...NOT IN THE GOD DAMN MOOD. Unless you want to come and help me slit my life away and drain all the wrongs till they are made right?

Sometimes I seriously contemplate that fucking thin line...between standing in the light, or sleeping forever....sometimes...the choice doesnt seem so hard...

Ive always tried to do the right thing...whats always been on the right and not on the left...but lately its so hard...like whatever i do it isnt good enough...and sometimes like tonight spending an hour crying in the corner after smashing your knuckles into 8 inch concrete....things just arent so clear...especially when you break through the wall...

life just hurts.

It isnt fair to me. SO MANY fucking loosers, just live at home, dont go to school, and just have cars clothes money handed to them. GO TO HELL. GO TO FUCKING HELL. CRASH IN A CAR ACCIDENT AND DIE. you mother fuckers. Everything I have I GOT MYSELF ON MY DAMN OWN.

not with mommy and daddys help. Ive cried tears as I worked painful hours...to you people who have it handed to you and still bitch. GO TO HELL. I hope you get swiped by a semi, you ungreatful FUCKS.

You smoke weed and have wild drinking parties. Stfu and just drop dead ok?

Ive always tried to help others. Always put OTHERS happiness ahead of my own...sacrificed everything for my family. for my friends.

And where has it gotten me?

My heart hurts soo bad...it really does. Ive lost too much in life...

I feel so jaded...so broken hearted...

Tossed away like trash and just as ragged...

Im tired...Im so tired...of everything...life...the pain...the bullshit im always fed by others...

Tired of being used...

tired of being peoples options when ive made them my priority.

Ive gone to jail for friends....

Ive bleed for friends....

Ive been beat twice for a friend....

Ive paid back a loan for a friend...

I got rid of my life basically for a friend....

Where are my friends now?

What has my loyalty gotten me?

NOTHING...but my own blood tears and heart ache...and now standing on that thin line between the light that everyone walks in...and i look down at the shadowed ground...I stare at the black and grey leaves and wonder HOW DOES IT FEEL TO SLEEP FOREVER?

Where is god now? All the times Ive come close to dying. All the times Ive stared death in the face alone...the times I laid on the floor bleeding and everyone just stands around and watches...

All the times ive fallen to my knees and cried for god to give me a little bit of a helping hand...

If some day I do not wake in the morning...where will my fucking broken soul go? how many pieces has it been broken into?

All the love ive given away.

I worked my ass off to help pay bills of for friends....family...

Ive loved unquestioningly...

Ive given all I can give...

All I can do now is stand here in this dark place in my heart and cry...stare at the darkened and bittered puddle at my feet. fed by my broken hearts tears...

my soul staring back at me....staring at my own demise...calling for the fury of a broken spirit...to be let loose upon the sleeping world...to bleed the heavens red, to set ablaze the pearl gates, and lay ruin to heaven. hell. and the earth...

with a broken heart...with a shattered spirit...with bitter and hateful mind...what can I do?

But just stand here...and stare at my own emptiness...my own sadness...my own impending gloom, which shallows upon a midnights grave...to frost bekon a morning yet unknown...with a fate still to be told, yet cant be changed with more then a chance of a day lit heart...waken the eyes to which to see the world unclouded by tears and anguish...

to see the world anew...
to be given life anew...
to wake not in day. but slumber...

but to wake in the night as an eternal damned...
such bliss would it be to be alone, yet happy and dead..

then alone, sad, and alive.

To tread on the puddled worlds view...

To smile and cry in silence is to be a cursed like sleep...
But to die and lay in shallow tilled graves is be truly awoken...

I long to be happy...to smile again fullheartedly...to be loved...to know what it truly feels to be...to be alive...
gun shot sounds

why!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [28 Jan 2005|12:45am]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

ok i really dont understand why i keep going through all this crap~ and why i keep letting him get to me.. i just got off the phone with him and its 1:01 and its just.... hard.. you know you love someone and they tell you they want to work things out and that they arent going to put you throught that crap ever again and they really want things to go well....im so lost! oh by the way...

loverboy22472= marcus
bhndblueyes22= yours truly.

yea so anyways im off to bed.. i cant handle it anymore! i have a million other thigns going on in my little head

Loverboy22472 [11:50 P.M.]: u still hate me
BhNdBLuEyEs22 [11:51 P.M.]: no
Loverboy22472 [11:51 P.M.]: r u sure
BhNdBLuEyEs22 [11:51 P.M.]: yup
Loverboy22472 [11:51 P.M.]: y do u like me so much
BhNdBLuEyEs22 [11:52 P.M.]: honestly im not trying to be mean... why do you want to know?
Loverboy22472 [11:52 P.M.]: just asking
BhNdBLuEyEs22 [11:52 P.M.]: oh i see
Loverboy22472 [11:52 P.M.]: y is that bad
BhNdBLuEyEs22 [11:53 P.M.]: yes and no.. im more so not wanting to bother you and knowing that your going to be married soon i dont want to cause anymore drama for you and you have enough stress as it is
Loverboy22472 [11:54 P.M.]: im not getting married anymore i dont want to be with her all my life
BhNdBLuEyEs22 [11:54 P.M.]: i thought she was pregnant?
Loverboy22472 [11:54 P.M.]: ya so
BhNdBLuEyEs22 [11:54 P.M.]: with your child
Loverboy22472 [11:54 P.M.]: i'll take care of my baby
BhNdBLuEyEs22 [11:55 P.M.]: thats good... you should
Loverboy22472 [11:55 P.M.]: do ya want to help
Loverboy22472 [11:55 P.M.]: me
Loverboy22472 [11:56 P.M.]: and be with me forever
BhNdBLuEyEs22 [11:56 P.M.]: i thought that tara was the love of your life?
Loverboy22472 [11:56 P.M.]: fine never mind
Loverboy22472 [11:56 P.M.]: im going to bed bye
BhNdBLuEyEs22 [11:57 P.M.]: im asking a truthful question.. im not being rude
Loverboy22472 [11:57 P.M.]: i know goodnight
BhNdBLuEyEs22 [11:57 P.M.]: you really confuse me sometimes.. but i guess the only thing i can say is good night.... and if you decide to figure things out you should know my number and if not here it is *** *** ****
Loverboy22472 [11:58 P.M.]: i want to here your sexy voice
BhNdBLuEyEs22 [11:59 P.M.]: why?
Loverboy22472 [11:59 P.M.]: i like it
Loverboy22472 [11:59 P.M.]: who is all with you
BhNdBLuEyEs22 [11:59 P.M.]: just me
Loverboy22472 [12:00 A.M.]: your not with your sister
BhNdBLuEyEs22 [12:00 A.M.]: nopes
Loverboy22472 [12:01 A.M.]: do u want me to call u
BhNdBLuEyEs22 [12:02 A.M.]: what are you going to say?
Loverboy22472 [12:02 A.M.]: just wanted to talk
Loverboy22472 [12:02 A.M.]: well
BhNdBLuEyEs22 [12:03 A.M.]: yea i guess
Loverboy22472 [12:03 A.M.]: do u still like me
BhNdBLuEyEs22 [12:03 A.M.]: yes.

gun shot sounds

[31 Dec 2004|08:55pm]
I've waited here for you
tonight I throw myself into
and out of the red
out of her head she sang

come down
and waste away with me
down with me
slow how
you wanted it to be
I'm over my head
out of her head she sang

and I wonder
when I sing along with you
if everything could ever feel this real forever
if anything could ever be this good again
the only thing I'll ever ask of you
you've got to promise not to stop when I say when

breathe out so I can breathe you in
hold you in
and now I know you've always been
out of your head
out of my head I sang
gun shot sounds

Baby Steps [16 Nov 2004|08:14pm]
[ mood | determined ]

Hey all! Right now im trying to figure out my life and where i stand on everything, and it seems as if im almost coming up blank. I dont have a good relationship with my family, and that sucks but I feel as if its me against them. Most of my family memebers have gone to jail or prison or had kids by my age, im the first of anyone in my family to ever go to college and even graduating highschool was a huge accomplishment. I think 2 people graduated from highschool in my family but yet they give me almost no recognition. Oh well maybe im just nagging with them. and now i have to put plans of school on hold so that i can survive in so cal. its soo freakin expensive out here. i have to find a new job and hopefully i will be able to go to wamu. im not sure tho. I feel as if im not getting anywhere but i know that atleast im putting the right foot forward or however that damn saying goes! Also i took a look at the big picture with myself and I need to do something about my weight, im trying to get insurance so i can afford the meds from the dermotolgist (sp) also i want to get my breast reduced and thats like 5g's and im no where able to come up with that money also i really still want to get a nose job which is another 5g's and im like whoa! I ultimatley just want to be happy with myself and some people would think that its superficial but im not trying to be barbie im just trying to be happy. And finacially im trying to get my sh*t together and its next to impossible so thats why im trying so hard to cut out the things i dont need. Oh and the whole guy situation is beyond f*cked up! but yea anyways im off to go watch tv! hope everyone is doing well.

gun shot sounds

life little turns~ [14 Nov 2004|05:09pm]
[ mood | curious ]

Hey all! its been a while again since ive updated, i really need to start updating more. well anyways... today has been a very pointless day, ive spent all my day on a computer like a loser! yay go me! well anyways i think tonight im going to drive around for hours to try and clear my head...


gun shot sounds

Live, Laugh.. or Hate? [02 Nov 2004|08:40pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

Do I take whats infront of me where I have interest and be happy because that thing is there or wait for the thing that ultimatley makes me happy? that is miles or places away from me... I dont understand my feelings or intentions right now... one moment im all happy the next i could and would if possible rip the worlds head off.... it sucks so bad i want to be happy but the ultimate happiness for me is unattainable... things just arent exactly as they used to be... no matter how far away i take myself from the problem it keeps finding me and making my little world chaotic.....i just want my life back.. im tired of living through others... its dumb. no one really will ever understand what it feels like to be me... most people say that oh yea i understand...but honestly no one will ever understand. but thats fine.... maybe im just nagging at this point....so anyways im off to the shower... hopefully i'll be in a better mood.... i know everyone has heard this song but still it means alot to me and it hits close to home!

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
And no one knows
What it's like to be hated
To be faded to telling only lies
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscious seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like i do, and i blame you!
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain woe
Can show through
Discover l.i.m.p. say it [x4]
No one knows what its like
To be mistreated, to be defeated
Behind blue eyes
No one know how to say
That they're sorry and don't worry
I'm not telling lies
No one knows what its like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

gun shot sounds

finally found the words [27 Oct 2004|09:38pm]
[ mood | creative ]

did you know
that you mean
to someone like me

i love the way
you wear your hair
and i love your smile
when you catch me
staring at you
from across the room

another day
and im pretty sure
that you havent a clue
just how badly
just how much
i wanna be with you

i couldnt tell you
i couldnt be
all those things
i wanna be
i couldnt tell you
so maybe ill show you

gun shot sounds

[27 Oct 2004|04:33pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Hey all whats goin on? well i just got back from Savon.. my new work....i no longer have to deal with LONGS DRUGS!!!! its kind of nice.. i start in the pharmacy sometime next week i have to call shireen or something like that i have no clue what her name really is or how to say it :/ which might not be a good thing but hey oh well... its raining again which is always nice :) well guys i think im going to go find something to do so i 'll see ya'll later!


gun shot sounds

fjldsfjdslfjdslfjlhweorpeurlesjrslmchusidofyo;fjldsrjs [21 Oct 2004|08:39pm]
[ mood | horny ]

Hey guys whats goin on? I havent updated in a while.. i guess I'm just not as into it as i usually am... so yea basically ive just been going to school and work which by the way i get to tell them all to fuck off on sunday and that its my last day because this biotch got a new job at savon pharmacy instead of gay ass longs!!!! hahaha mother fuckers!!!!! so needless to say im excited.. and yea anyways i still am tired of guys asn their dumb ass games... its getting old and yea... im off to take a shower.. peace biotches!!!!!

gun shot sounds

Me & David October 10, 2004!~!~! MuahZ I <3 U Dave [13 Oct 2004|03:50pm]
ok im going to freak out in about 2.5 seconds if this all doesnt end... Shay just needs to fall off the face of this earth and then it'll be all good in my hood.. and until she does my life is going to suck, but little does she know im going to make her hate her life so bad that shes going to wish she was never fucking born and if i was a guy i'd skull fuck her till no end.
1 broken | gun shot sounds

love- n. a deep devotion and affection for someone [05 Oct 2004|10:48pm]
[ mood | crushed into a thousand pieces ]

so....as of now you can already tell what my topic is about. What do you do if your in love with someone and you dont exactly think they feel the same way? and you really really wish that they would understand and feel the same but its impossible.

Hey, I wanna crawl out of my skin
Apologize for all my sins
All the things I should have said to you
Hey, I can't make it go away
Over and over in my brain again
All the things I should have said to you

Counting stars wishing I was okay
Crashing down was my biggest mistake
I never ever ever meant to hurt you
I only did what I had to
Counting stars again

Hey, I'll take this day by day by day
Under the covers I'm okay I guess
Lost assure that I feel small

Counting stars again
Counting stars again
Counting stars again
Counting stars again
Counting stars again

I think I'm going to cry, i hate this. the whole being in love thing sucks. you just want to spend time with that person and you cant. what the hell, you know what fuck this and never mind this whole fucking entry.

gun shot sounds

[03 Oct 2004|03:14pm]
[ mood | bored ]


gun shot sounds

bored can you tell? [13 Sep 2004|09:21pm]
Your Stripper Info by radioface
first name
Stripper Name:Shanaynay
Specialty:the best lapdances
Customers say:"Best $20 I've ever spent..."
Quiz created with MemeGen!
gun shot sounds

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]